GIVERS, HERE ARE SOME THINGS to look out for when you’re pleasuring your partner.
Angle of Finger. Notice how your finger makes contact with your partner’s clitoris. Ideally, your palm will be resting on her pubic mound with a sense of firmness. Experiment with varying the angle of your finger from almost perpendicular (straight up) to nearly flat. Most women prefer a nearly flat finger.
One Finger Versus Several Fingers. Experiment with using one finger, then mix in the use of two or even three fingers.
Friction Versus Through the Skin. With friction, the surface area is stimulated. With through-the-skin motions, the area below the surface is stimulated in the absence of friction. Because people have changing preferences from moment to moment, there’s no ‘right way’ to do this. Communicate!
Dragging Along. You can go smoothly over the surface, or you can drag your fingers so as to create a sort of wave under the skin. You can learn to do these moves by practicing on yourself.
Evenness of the Experience. Be consistent! Stroke as evenly as possible. Ideally, your stroke will be as smooth as silk.
Feel What She’s Feeling. Get out of your head and into hers. And into her physical experience, too. Try to experience what you’re doing from, so to speak, her side of the bed.
Make Sure Every Stroke Feels Great to you. If what you’re doing doesn’t feel wonderful to you, it probably won’t feel wonderful to her, either. The more you can be in your pleasure, the more she’ll be pleased, too. Learn more at http://thongchaimedical.org/?p=182
Listen To your Intuition. If your inner voice tells you something, pay attention. If your fingers tell you something, pay even more attention. Ultimately, this is how you’ll know what to do next—and the odds that you’ll get it right increase in direct proportion to the extent to which you’ve absorbed basic principles of expanded-orgasm pleasuring like repetition, peaking and going slow.
(Receiver, if he goes with his intuition and gets it wrong, let him know—kindly and considerately.)
Receivers, if your giver has moments of distraction—or minutes of distraction, for that matter—have compassion. Bring them back gently to the here-and-now. It’s really difficult to be present and even more challenging to stay that way. A kind few words (“You’re doing great!”)—or even a sweet “yum”—can be all that’s needed to bring the giver back into a positive space.
Love, caring and tenderness need to go both ways in an expanded orgasm session.
When Obstacles Arise
Expanded orgasm doesn’t always go as planned. You’ll have good days and bad days. There’ll also be times inside a generally great experience where the ride gets a little bumpy. Don’t be surprised when this happens. Expect it. It’s part of the journey. Learn about penis extenders at http://swankyseven.com/dangers-of-enhancement-surgery/
This advice is for both givers and receivers: If things get really out of focus, communicate with your partner that you want to take a break from the action, then stop what you’re doing. Take a moment to breathe and get centered. Step away from your hyper-active brain. Put a little smile on your lips—attitude is everything!—and start again.
Distracting thoughts can be annoyingly persistent, though. This basic ‘get it together’ counsel may not be enough. If you continue to have trouble being present, try this exercise. Visualize a red dot. See it very clearly. Then imagine taking all those intrusive thoughts and packing them inside the dot. You’re no longer the ‘owner’ of the thoughts. The red dot is. So now you can talk to it. “Red dot, you can do what you want with these distractions. You can leave my body and go far away with them, or you can dissolve inside my body so they’re no longer trapped in my head. Red dot, it’s up to you now. Take them away.”