Thursday, April 6, 2017

My Sexual Triggers

On another page in your journal, wri te your triggers . Triggers are people, places, events or routines that spark the craving for PMO. Do you get the urge when you are lonely, or just alone, or maybe every day at a certain time? One young man told me that his trigger was visiting the ho use he'd grown up in -- because that was where he'd first masturbated and that's where he "learned" the porn and masturbation connection. The triggers will be unique for each individual, and building this self - awareness will help you conquer the habit. Write your triggers down, taking as much time and space as you need.

You can always return to this section of the journal as you learn of more triggers over the next 30 days. Learn more at and 

A Sample Day's

Journal Entry Here's an example of what a daily journal entry should look like. It includes three main components: 1) a self - commitment to not using porn, 2) a plan for what you will do when the urge to use pornography strikes, and 3) a thought log that will help you track your mood, outlook, & events. My Comm itment to Myself Today: Today, I will practice soccer dribbling for 15 minutes whenever I feel the urge to use porn or masturbate. I know the urge will pass, and I also know I'm not the person who uses porn anymore. Thought Log 10:15pm: Pretty tough day . Had pretty strong urges in class because of M. Thought of a few sites I'd like to hit and videos I'd like to see again, but grabbed my soccer ball as soon as I got home and dribbled for almost 30 minutes. Felt refreshed and had no urges afterwards. Got t o work on assignments and am about to go to bed. Victory. . . for now. Your journal will look different, of course, but it's really important that you do your best to be diligent, every day. Okay, let's get started. Learn about having sex with someone you like.

Journal Exercise #1 Why I Am Doing This?

Let's get started with our first journal exercise. Take a moment to write down your motivations for trying to free yourself from this habit.

Believe it or not, if enough time passes in sobriety from PMO, it is all too easy to forget the pain, disarray, and chaos in our lives that can result from this habit. If you writ e it down before you begin -- as thoroughly and vividly as possible -- you can look back on it and remember how dark a place you came from, and how important it is that you avoid the temptation to re - enter that place. Take five minutes now and write it a ll down. Use as much space as you need.

Day Zero Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better. Samuel Beckett Day Zero is the day you decide to beat this habit and reclaim your sex life. Here's all I ask: every day, open this book, read the lesson, and do the work in your journal. That's the only way to ensure you get maximum benefit from this book. If you're reading this at night – watch the TEDx talk by Gary Wilson "The Great Porn Experiment" - then turn off the computer and go to sleep. If you're reading this during the day – watch the TEDx talk by Gary Wilson "The Great Porn Experiment" - then turn off the computer and carpe diem. Until tomorrow.

PE Program for Masturbation

To follow this program all the way through, you will need two things in addition to this book: 1. A journal - each day, you will fill out an entry. We'll show you what to write in a minute. 2. Five minutes set aside each day to review the day's reading from this book, and to complete your journal entry. We suggest yo u do this at the same time each day. Each day, you will have three tasks: 1) Make a commitment to yourself to abstain from PMO. You should write this commitment out in your journal. 2) Identify a healthy habit to substitute for the PMO activity. When ever you experience cravings for your PMO habit, you'll use that craving to trigger a different activity of your choice, instead. 3) Record any thoughts you have about the process or your progress. This journal will help you track your moods, emotions, energy levels, & thereby notice the benefits that come from being more and more free from the PMO habit. The program is simple, but it will not be easy. Let's take a look at the Resources you will have to help you on this journey. Learn more at and


The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D - This book lays out how self - control works, why it often fails us, and how to cultivate it. Highly recommended. We'll cover a lot of detail from this book over the next 30 days. The Power of Habit by Charle s Duhigg - A good partner to Willpower, this book explains in detail how the brain forms a "habit loop" and how we can hack that habit loop to reprogram our brains, habits, & lives. (You can also find on YouTube a short summary of the habit loop, and the important principles in his book.) Websites & Videos "The Great Porn Experiment" by Gary Wilson (TEDx). This is the must - view video introduction to what porn does to our brain. Visit the website and review their videos and articles. Forums - A Reddit forum community for those recovering from porn addiction. Probably the largest and most active forum on this topic. - The website home of the book 'Cupid's Poisoned Arrow' which suggests there are neurochemical drawbacks to repeated orgasm. Learn more at and


Here are some suggestions for healthy habits that you can use to replace the porn habit when you get triggered. This is only a starting list -- we are sure you can come up with many more ideas: • Visit • Journal • Start learning to program • Read a chapter of a good book • Listen to some music that inspires you • Do 25 pushups or sit - ups • Call a friend you haven't talked to in a while • Go out side and take some pictures • Sit quietly and watch your bre ath for 5 minutes (or more) • Go outside and jog around t he block 3 times (or more) • Watch a movie • Start working on that screenplay you've always wanted to write • Go to the store and buy yourself some organic vegetable s • Pick up a musical instrument and start teaching yourself using YouTube videos • Visit and read an internet forum for inspiration & support

Break Free From Masturbation

Welcome, my friend, to the next 30 days of your life. If you have acquired this guide, it means that you realize that your life would be better if you were free from the habit of using pornography. Over the next 30 days, we'll journey together in learning how to be more free from this habit. This book is divided in to 30 daily lessons, as well as two sections that contain Resources that will help you on this path. Each daily lesson will contain an inspirational quote, a short message to coach you through the challenge of that day, and about every other day, you'll learn a bit more about the science of behavior change , and how to strengthen your personal willpower.

This mixture of scientific advice, motivation & inspiration was hand - crafted in the Love & Freedom Lab and based on feedback from 250 early participants. Since then, the Program has been downloaded by over 20,000 individuals, all seeking to beat the porn habit & reclaim freedom and energy in their sex lives. They did it. You can too. Learn more at and


This program is about abstaining fro m pornography, masturbation, & orgasm (PMO). There is no judgment implied or expressed on the status of masturbation in and of itself. This program is for men who have come to realize their pornography use is a problem, and want to quit. You will be making a commitment to abstain from PMO each and every one of the next 30 days. We will be sharing tools and techniques that will help you do this, but ultimately, you have to make the decision to abstain, every day. PMO is a habit you're trying to get free from. Learn more at and

Habits can be made by you, and so habits can also be broken by you. It takes work, but it is possible. Breaking this habit is work you must do, and you must do it diligently, day in and day out. . . but you needn't do it alone. This book is designed to remind you daily that you are not alone in the struggle. It is also designed to re - direct you daily to communities where other men are breaking this same habit. Thirty days is just the beginning. Because everyone's situation is unique, you may experience great relief after just 15 days, or it may take 90, 120, or 365. Nobody can tell you in advance how long the road is -- what we can tell you is that traveling the road will bring relief to your life, as well as many other great benefits besides. Ultimately, you must make the choice each day whether you are traveling the road of recovery that day. . . or not. Learn about exercises for a larger penis.


There are two attitudes you can take with this program. The first attitude is: "Don't break the chain." That is, string together as many possible days as possible free from porn, masturbation & orgasm, ideally 30 days in a row. The second attitude is, "Best out of 30." You will simply keep track of each day you relapse, out of a possible total of 30, instead of starting back at square one each time you relapse. You should choose in advance the attitude that will be most helpful for your own abstention, then stick with it for the duration.

Monday, March 27, 2017

Intimacy and Stress

After the Third Eye Kiss, you have several options, depending upon your and your partner's mood:

Meditate: Let your partner simply sit quietly and relax. You may also find it rewarding to meditate immediately after the Third Eye Kiss. Sit next to your partner or back-to-back with your spine straight, close your eyes, and concentrate on your Third Eye point while taking long, slow, deep breaths for 5 to 10 minutes.

Hand and Foot Massage: A wonderful way to finish this shoulder and neck release is to massage your partner's hands and feet. This will rejuvenate your partner, after being so deeply relaxed.

Go to Bed Together: If you and your lover feel like being intimate and relaxing together, take your clothes off and hop into bed. Discover what your partner is like in bed when he or she is under the effect of endorphins, the neurochemicals released as a result of acupressure, which often produce a natural high. Many couples who have taken my training have told me that their acupressure highs are far better than any alcohol or drug they have ever tried. Learn more at and


The acupressure points presented in this section are located in the areas where tension tends to collect. Holding these points On your partner will not only relieve stress but help prevent it from accu- mulating. Use a combination of steady finger pressure and massage on each point for 1 to 2 minutes.

Familiarize yourself with these points by finding them on your partner's body. Your lover may particularly enjoy having certain points pressed or released. Give these points more attention by massaging and holding them longer, and make them part of your regular routine. You do not have to use all Of these points to reduce stress. Holding just a couple of them whenever you and your partner have a few minutes alone together can be effective. Later in this chapter, the Stress Reduction Routine gives a step—by-step sequence for using all these points effectively.


While sitting: Stand behind your partner, who is seated in a chair. Rest your fingertips on his or her shoulders for a minute. With your thumbs, gradually make contact with the marble of tension on the top of the shoulders. Hold the point firmly or massage it slowly, firmly kneading the tension out. As you increase the pressure slowly, encourage your partner to breathe deeply. End by holding the point lightly for a minute, then gradually release.

While hugging: Whether you are standing or lying down while hugging, place your inner forearms against your partner's back. Curve your fingers, hooking your fingertips onto the tightest point above the shoulder blades. Gradually apply firm pressure, as you breathe deeply with your partner. After a couple of minutes, slowly release the pressure. End by holding the shoulder points lightly.

Benefits: These points commonly get tight, resulting in irritability. It is important for lovers to massage them regularly on each other.

Intimacy and Hugging

While hugging: Whether you are standing or lying down front-to-front, hug your partner by pressing the insides of your forearms between your partner's shoulder blades. Curve your fingers, hooking your fingertips onto the tightest points above the shoulder blades. Gradually apply firm pressure as you breathe deeply together. After a couple of minutes, slowly release the pressure and hold the shoulder points lightly. End by massaging the neck and underneath the base of the skull, and then, of course, by more hugging.

While sitting: Your partner is seated in a chair. Stand behind him or her, and rest your fingertips on his or her shoulders. Use your thumbs to isolate a marble of tension in the shoulder muscles. Hold this point firmly or slowly massage it, kneading out any tension. Slowly in- crease the pressure, encouraging your partner to breathe deeply. End by holding the point lightly for a minute, gradually easing off. Learn more at and

Posterior Summit (CV 19), One Hundred Meeting (GV 20), Anterior Summit (GV 21), and Penetrating Heaven (B 7)

Locations: Place your left fingers behind your left ear and your right fingers behind your right ear. Move your fingertips up toward the top of the head, then feel for the hollow toward the back of the center of the top of the head. This is GV 20. GV 19 is also in a hollow, one thumb-width behind GV 20. GV 21 is one thumb-width in front of GV 20. All three points are on the midline of the skull.
Penetrating Heaven (B 7) is located on the top of the skull in a line directly upward from the back of the ears, one thumb’s width out- ward from the center of the top of the head.

Benefits: Holding these points opens up your intuition, body wis- dom, and connection with the universal flow. Learn more at

Applications for Spiritual Intimacy: Spiritually oriented couples can use these points during a long embrace, during breath meditations, and during lovemaking. Since the points are gateways for trans- mitting spiritual energy, making sounds while holding them and long deep breathing will increase the flow of energy through them. Learn about intimacy in the bedroom.

Making tones: While you are standing or lying down together, place one hand on the top of your partner's head. Close your eyes and posi- tion yourselves comfortably. Inhale deeply together. On the exhalation, make a long, sweet, open ”aaah” sound in harmony with your part- ner. When you run out of air, inhale deeply and make the sound again. This spiritual practice deepens your breathing and creates an ener- getic link as the acupressure points are being held.

Hold these three points with your index, middle, and ring fingers in the hollows on the back top of your partner's head as if you were playing a flute. Use these points as you hug while either standing up or lying in bed. Holding them during lovemaking or after an orgasm opens a strong spiritual connection.

Richer lovemaking experiences

Without regular stretching, our bodies become stiff and tense and tire easily. These yoga stretches prepare your body to be more relaxed and open to intimacy. Regular daily stretching awakens your body's circulation in new ways and contributes to fuller, richer lovemaking experiences.
As you stretch, close your eyes and focus on the feelings in your body. Don't force your body into stretching positions and don't strain it. Let it stretch as far as it wants to, while you accept its limitations. Stretch slowly and moderately, so that you feel some small degree of stretch but not enough to be painful. If you experience pain, you are pushing too hard. Be gentle, so that the stretches are comfortable. Learn more at

These stretching exercises should not be practiced on a full stomach. Allow at least an hour after eating before you do them- two, if you have eaten a big meal with a lot of heavy food. Nor should you stuff yourself immediately after doing these exercises. Gentle stretching releases a great deal of healing energy. Eating a lot of heavy food immediately afterward often blocks this energy in the stomach, causing nausea. Thus, after practicing these exercises, wait at least an hour before eating a substantial meal. If you get hungry before then, have some soup, tea, or a piece of fruit. Learn more at and

These gentle exercises are quite safe when you follow the common sense guidelines. Contraindications to specific stretches will be clearly noted. If you have any concern about practicing these stretches or suffer a medical condition, be sure to consult your doctor.
When you feel tightness or resistance, focus on your breath and breathe deeply. Imagine you are breathing into and out of the tight- ness. Long deep breathing is key to releasing tightness in nerves and muscles.

If you feel lightheaded after stretching or if you feel new tingling sensations moving through your body, immediately lie down on your back, cover yourself, close your eyes, and let yourself relax. A short nap or even 10 minutes of repose will allow healing energy to flow and balance. Dizziness or lightheadedness can result when the energy bound up inside a point is released and then circulates throughout your body. The circulation of this vital energy can refresh your whole body, clear your mind, and make you feel new again.

The power of touch can also cultivate body awareness. By holding acupressure points on yourself as well as on your partner, you can anchor your feelings, open yourself to a greater awareness of sensations, and balance your emotions.

Since the heart governs the emotions, the acupressure points for emotional healing are located at the level of the heart, in the chest and upper back between the shoulder blades. In people who have been emotionally hurt, abused, or traumatized, these points often feel like knots. You can open withheld feelings and release tensions in this area by practicing the following exercises once or twice a day.

Intimacy with another

The legendary Yellow Emperor, who lived more than four thousand years ago, was personally interested in ways to use sex to maintain radiant health. His wisest health ministers created the famous teachings known as The Yellow Emperor's Classic of Internal Medicine. His advisers on sexual activities compiled the ancient Taoist manuals known as The Classic of the Plain Girl and The Counsels of a Simple Girl.

The Classic of the Plain Girl inspired a great deal of sexual experi- mentation and led to various Taoist and Hindu practices known as Tantra. Tantra means weaving—the weaving of two people who transform sex into a lovemaking sacrament. Tantric erotic practices enhance sexual intimacy through sexual positions, scents, images, massage techniques, stories, visualizations, and other ways. Tantric practices treat sexuality as an art form, an aesthetic intimacy and vitality that celebrates love. Eastern sexuality is playful, intimate, and sacred, inviting couples to touch, smell, and move together. The ancient Tantric art of lovemaking encourages playful sounds and interactions, creating not only intimacy but harmony with the spirit of the heart. Learn more at and

The traditional Eastern and Western views of sexuality are quite different. After intercourse, for instance, a Taoist Chinese man may express gratitude for having ”received the nectar of the woman's enchanted garden.” While Western sexuality focuses on the attain- ment of orgasm as a goal, traditional Chinese sexology is concerned with the quality of the process of unfolding and opening up. It views orgasm not as an end in itself but as a sacred interplay of opposites: man and woman, hard and soft, giving and receiving. Learn more at

In the West, sex is often looked at as a game with set roles and positions. Men and women frequently use strategies, intrigue, and in their search into the art of lovemaking, the ancient Chinese Taoists went beyond foods and herbs, even beyond erotic techniques . . . by con- sciously maneuvering the human body’s chi, or life—energy. They did this to enhance sexual arousal, control orgasm and intensify ecstasy for both men and women.

Chinese erotic lovemaking goes beyond genital stimulation to provide powerful expressions of affection. It can awaken transfor- mative spiritual experiences while serving as an excellent physical workout and full-body massage. The ancient art of lovemaking uses inner awareness, deep breathing, meditation, massage, and body positions to stimulate certain acupressure points for obtaining radiant physical health and spiritual union with one’s partner.


Intimacy with another—the closeness of living the shared moments, each as it arises, the easy comfort of being known with- out the disguises of attempted ’perfection,' the willingness to be where I am without a blueprint or an image to be fulfilled——this particular joy is what is so new in my life.