Sunday, October 30, 2016

A Note About Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs)

Even when you are in a relationship, it’s so important to keep having frequent sex with the most important person in your life – you. It’s not meant to replace the natural human connection that we deeply yearn for with another person – on the sexual, emotional, mental and spiritual levels. However, you need to build this connection with yourself in order to experience it fully with others, and one way to do that is by having sex with yourself in the same way that you would like your partner to have sex with you.

The self-pleasure tapas

When you commit to do something every day, that thing is given importance and meaning. Daily self-pleasure is one of the most important practices that I guide my clients to embrace. Many women who have set aside enough time for this and have completed this self-pleasure challenge have experienced huge shifts and transformations in their sexuality, their orgasmic experience, their self-confidence and their feelings of femininity. Learn more at

The Tantrics call a daily practice like this ‘tapas’ and include it as one of the ten spiritual precepts known as the Yamas and Niyamas. These are kind of like the ten commandments of yoga. Some people translate tapas as ‘austerity’ but it actually means commitment or determination. Taking a tapas means you make a commitment to do a particular kind of spiritual practice for a certain time period. For example, meditating for half an hour every morning, practicing yoga every day, giving money to charity or avoiding particular foods, like meat. Taking a tapas is the ancient way of creating new and empowering habits.

You can take a tapas for any length of time, but thirty days is considered the minimum length you need to feel the effects of your practice and to adopt the new habit. So, I invite you to take a thirty-day tapas. Will you make a commitment to practice self-pleasure for at least twenty minutes every day for one month? Let twenty minutes be your minimum. The reason I’ve set it this low is so you will still be able to do it even on days when you’re busy, tired, stressed or not in the mood. Where possible, it is far more powerful to aim for thirty to forty-five minutes.

Does this sound like too much? Think of it like this: If you had an amazing lover who made you feel fully orgasmic, would you have sex with him every day for half an hour? I think you might be inspired to! So I invite you to discover your own inner lover and make love with her every day for the same reason.

During your tapas, you can enjoy clitoral stimulation, but it’s crucial that you avoid clitoral orgasms. You want to avoid losing your sexual energy and also experiencing that quick release. Instead, let your tapas be about honoring and connecting to your body and yourself. Even if you already experience internal peak orgasms, such as a G-spot orgasm, I suggest during this month you use the ‘edging’ technique to stop before any kind of orgasmic peak. You will notice that when you do this, your whole day will become orgasmic. And I don’t mean this in a poetic way. You will actually experience pleasure sensations throughout your day.

Your practice should be a self-pleasure ritual as we have previously discussed. Avoid mechanical motions and, instead, create a practice of exploring, loving and connecting to your yoni, your sexuality and your femininity. It’s important that you try to include internal stimulation because there is meaning and importance behind this during your tapas (we’ll look at the importance of this soon).

And if you aren’t ready for internal stimulation on a particular day, then pleasure yourself externally. If you don’t even feel like doing that, that’s okay too. Use your practice time to simply put one hand on your yoni and another hand on your breast or heart chakra. Be gentle with yourself.
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