Saturday, October 29, 2016

Communicating Your Sexual Fantasies

If you’re going to take more than a few moments to do this, it’s best to take a break from your expanded orgasm session. It’ll take you too far away from the mood and sensations of the moment. I recommend this if your challenges are making you feel really stuck: Agree to a break, do the red dot exercise, then come back to having fun.

You can also do a short-form version of the exercise. Simply see your messy thoughts, bundle them into the red dot, and let the dot either integrate with the rest of you, or vanish ‘off site.’ The short form exercise can be done in seconds— and thus inside a date—without taking focus away from the experience you are sharing or requiring a break. People usually have more success with the short form if they’ve familiarized themselves with the process first.

In the abstract, this may sound silly. In my experience, it’s effective, though— and you can always customize it to make it work better for you. Don’t like the red dot? Try a cloud of energy-droplets seeking to dissolve. Will they immerse into nothingness inside you—or float away? Use whatever works best for you.

There’s a larger point here. Expanded orgasm isn’t only an amazing journey into pleasure. It’s also a spiritual practice in the same sense that meditation, yoga and tai chi are spiritual practices. During expanded orgasm sessions, both the giver and receiver learn to be more present and more focused. We learn to be kinder and more compassionate, both to ourselves and to our partner. As the receiver, we learn to go into the Bliss that awaits us beyond our egos—the same Bliss I discovered during my near-death experience. Learn more at and

In short, expanded orgasm is a wonderful way to become a better and happier person.

And to do so while having orgasms. Lots and lots of orgasms.

Now what could be better than that? Communicating Your Erotic Fantasies

As we’ve seen, sharing our fantasies can be pretty scary, especially if they’re not of the plain-vanilla, socially-accepted variety. Yet you’ve got to take the plunge if you want to share those fantasies with a sexual partner. The best outcome, of course, is to get an enthusiastically positive response from your partner so that you end up incorporating these fantasies into your shared sex play, whether through role play (“This time, you be the Martian!”) or narration (“And then the three guys tied me up ...”). While you can’t count on that happening if you do share, you can be sure it won’t happen if you don’t.

I recommend approaching this difficult subject gently and indirectly. Don’t bring it up while sharing a romantic candlelight dinner and don’t bring it up while naked, either. Broadly stated, you’ll get one of three responses: Enthusiastic support and approval, rejection and disapproval, or—and this one happens frequently!—an awkward silence. Learning that your partner has a wild and bizarre fantasy can be a lot to take in. You can sometimes get a long silence as the person tries to absorb this new information. Unfortunately, that silence is open to a lot of interpretations, including “Oh my God, he (or she) is trying to figure out how to not tell me how disgusting I am!” All in all, it’s best to avoid situations that lend themselves to eye-to­eye discomfort. Structure the setting so your partner can have their reaction without feeling the need to respond to you right away.

One way to do this is by sharing your fantasy during a car ride, which is one of those situations where you can’t spend extended amounts of time gazing into each other’s eyes, unless you want to end up in a ditch. Let’s say your partner is driving and you start chatting about something you saw on TV, or some celebrity who you heard is into something kinky, and then you drop a line into the conversation like, “I’ve been thinking about that activity and it sounds kind of intriguing. What do you think about that?” And then you look out the window, and your partner continues to drive, and eventually he or she will respond. Or not.

Riding in a car isn’t your only option. You can also do it while you’re working alongside each other, maybe while doing the dishes or weeding the garden. Whatever the specifics, the general principle remains the same. Broach the subject gently. Make it easy for it not to get heavy quickly. Set it up so there’s not a big charge attached to it.

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